its like a Jewel song but no one remembers who that is

[brokeassgoing]

Who: The Shrieking Shits brokeassgoing and Bark at the Poon reachingfangs
Where: the stinkiest car known to man is that a stain of mayonnaise or something worse on the seat
When: now


]Whose bright idea was this trip? You know how they say it isn't the destination, its the journey? And then when they (whoever the fuck those bozos are) switch it up and say its the destination that counts? They obviously didn't think of the modern road trips between families, friends, and whatever the fuck Badou and Renji are.]

Change it. If I gotta listen to one more crooning song about drinking and beating off with guitar strings cause their wife left 'em I'm gonna shart, right here. Right now.

[its only been a few hours and its off to a wonderful start.]

Comments

[brokeassgoing]

I don't really count. Just pray I don't run out or people around me are screwed.

[he's gonna have to do that anyway]

[reachingfangs]

[ Scoffs at that and crosses his arms. ]

What, this ain't your worst already? Must be pretty bad then.

[brokeassgoing]

[that solemn glance of his doesn't falter]

It's damn bad. Body bags bad.

[reachingfangs]

[ Pauses for a moment, returns the solemnity with a sour expression. Well, it wasn't really his business what humans got up to with each other but... ]

Should probably keep track of your cigarettes if it's that bad. Think of the Soul Reaper that has to clean up after you.

[brokeassgoing]

[cocks a brow at him]

You mean that ain't you? Huuuuh.

[reachingfangs]

[ returns with the most deadpan expression ]

It ain't. So don't go running out of 'em while I'm around.

[brokeassgoing]

I'm doing the best I can. Think they'll have em at the next rest stop?

[reachingfangs]

I hope so.

[ Renji shrugs, because really the concept of rest stops had been foreign to him up until like a couple hours ago so what they did or didn't have was beyond him. ]

Hope they got more of these, too.

[ And he holds up the now empty bag of marshmallows. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[IS HE WORRIED ABOUT THE TICKING TIME BOMB?? he
shouldn't be maybe?

its a good thing its only conveniently the next exit too]

They'll have lots of goodies-- and funyuns!

[reachingfangs]

[ HE WOULD NEVER SAY SO BUT yes
still worried

thank god for that though

And Renji has to wonder why funyuns don't count in the same category as goodies but anyway, ]

What're those? Are they as good as these?

[ Marshmallow bag... again... he just likes them because they're sugar in pillow form okay. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[well GOOD
maybe????

he grins]

Dude, you dunno what you're missing out on. You like onion rings? They're like air crisped onion ring things. Sooo good.

[annnd he's just gonna head into that exit, turn signal on and everything WOW proper driving]

[reachingfangs]

[ All of those words that Badou just used mean nothing to him. Onion rings?? Air crisped?? But his enthusiasm for these funyuns things is enough to peak Renji's curiosity. ]

If you say so... I'll try some.

[ He has.............. enough money..... probably.

and unbelievable what a champ. Even Renji can admire that Real Person Driving. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[yes he should be impressed they don't even go over the railing on this curve

anyway the rest stop up ahead is one of those new ones they've tried to make all fancy looking. tons of trees to walk your dog (or your soul reaper), snack machines, a nice cool (or warm) place to take a dump inside or just rest.]

Yeah, I'll share.

[reachingfangs]

Wow, must be real good if it's got you feeling so generous.

[ Once they pull into the rest stop Renji swings out of the car and stretches his arms over his head, sighing heavily as he pulls the knots out of his stiff muscles. ]

Finally. How much longer we got going in this thing anyway?

[brokeassgoing]

[all he gets is a cheeky grin as Badou, too, slides out, arms over his head and groans spilling from his stupid mug]

Couple more. Or until I can't go on anymore. Bout another hour and a half.

[reachingfangs]

[ Well an hour and a half doesn't sound so bad. Still terrible, but survivable (hopefully). Renji rolls his shoulders, half shrug and half more limbering up. ]

Lucky. That's about how much longer I can stand this too.

[ All the kinks worked out, Renji turns to Badou, leans against the body of the car. ]

So where do we get the funyuns?

[brokeassgoing]

[finally dropping his hands to his sides, that cheeky grin doesn't diminish.]

Nooowww...we raid the vending machines. C'mon, they're probably across the lot.

[without a backwards glance he starts towards the bigger building of the restful rest stop.]

[reachingfangs]

Hm. Sure.

[ He's come to accept that hanging around down here comes hand in hand with hearing a bunch of confusing nonsense terminology like "vending machine" and just assuming he'll figure it out eventually. So he follows Badou as he heads over to the larger building, walking just behind him with an eye on his hands as he sifts through the bills in his wallet. ]

So how many can I get for... fifty dollars?

[ ...okay apparently the kan conversion rate is insane. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[his eye practically bulges out of his head when he hears him say that and
as much as he wants to get Renji to spend all of that




hes not a complete asshole]

Just gimmie a couple ones, man, we'll get like...four bags.

[reachingfangs]

[ Renji's well-placed trust in Badou saves him and his broke (???) ass yet again. He pulls out all the ones on his person and places the rest of the bills in his wallet, pocketing the whole thing. Four sounded like a lot of bags but... well he had managed to work up a big road appetite. ]

[ Following Badou into the building, he takes in his first ever rest stop. A couple nondescript fast food joints to their immediate left, a kitsch tourist trap store across from it, a row of black boxes line either side of the wall. Washrooms are indicated at the far end. Renji looks around with mild fascination. ]

Was this place made just for humans to take a break from being in the car?

[brokeassgoing]

It's the American dream, man. The American dream.

[Seeing Renji's fascination almost makes Badou proud for no reason other than he's the first to show him this whole new world. Grinning, he saunters right up to the vending machines right there in the back and squints, looking for the funyuns.]

Ah! Here.

[reachingfangs]

[ Renji follows a couple paces behind, not sure what exactly he expected when he heard "vending machine" but this thing full of snacks just sitting out in the open is definitely not it. He examines it, a little underwhelmed. It looked like a store without a person attending it. ]

This?

[ Renji steps a little closer, looks at the selection inside. None of it looks familiar, as he expected, but his curiosity about the... machine and its various brightly coloured packages is evident on his face. ]

...Are these things real strong or something? How come nobody's broken into it?

[brokeassgoing]

[his grin doesn't falter in the least. He taps it with his knuckles, then lifts that hand to point at the cameras around the area.]

That's why. No one wants a state trooper up their ass. It's just glass, simple enough, but we got law abiding citizens around here.