its like a Jewel song but no one remembers who that is

[brokeassgoing]

Who: The Shrieking Shits brokeassgoing and Bark at the Poon reachingfangs
Where: the stinkiest car known to man is that a stain of mayonnaise or something worse on the seat
When: now


]Whose bright idea was this trip? You know how they say it isn't the destination, its the journey? And then when they (whoever the fuck those bozos are) switch it up and say its the destination that counts? They obviously didn't think of the modern road trips between families, friends, and whatever the fuck Badou and Renji are.]

Change it. If I gotta listen to one more crooning song about drinking and beating off with guitar strings cause their wife left 'em I'm gonna shart, right here. Right now.

[its only been a few hours and its off to a wonderful start.]

Comments

[reachingfangs]

[ like Badou has any room to talk............

but Renji mistakes that for genuine curiosity and so actually considers his answer. ]

Nah, don't think I want a needle near my ass.

[ He looks Badou over, though. ]

How 'bout you. You hiding any tats?

[brokeassgoing]

[currently the number of folks thinking about getting their dicks tattoo'd here is: one

nose wrinkled, he shakes his head]

Fuck no! I hate pain. I don't want anything like that forever...

[reachingfangs]

[ To be fair he thought about it and then rejected the idea. He's not gonna pay a dude to poke his dick with sharp things when he gets that at work for free.

But at what Badou says, Renji's gaze falls on his eyepatch, his hand on the wheel. Then he shrugs his shirt back on. ]

Yeah it ain't exactly for everybody. Expensive as shit, first of all.

[brokeassgoing]

[wow what a noble steed Renji is. thinking about his other coworkers and his dick's relationship.

his own gaze flickers to his hand.]

Some of us have gotta use that cash to live instead.

[reachingfangs]

[ Renji tilts his chin up, a sign of silent agreement. If there was anything he and Badou had in common besides recessive hair genes, it was that #hustle life.

Slants a dubious look tho. ]

You need smokes to live?

[brokeassgoing]

[slants that look right back]

Probably. If I stop I'll more'n likely drop dead.

[reachingfangs]

Sure you will.

[ In spite of his skeptical tone, Renji does seem mildly alarmed, eyes widening a little, eyebrows raising. ]

...How many you got on ya right now?

[ Is he gonna have to bury him in a ditch on the side of the freeway if this trip goes on much longer is what he's asking. ]

[brokeassgoing]

I don't really count. Just pray I don't run out or people around me are screwed.

[he's gonna have to do that anyway]

[reachingfangs]

[ Scoffs at that and crosses his arms. ]

What, this ain't your worst already? Must be pretty bad then.

[brokeassgoing]

[that solemn glance of his doesn't falter]

It's damn bad. Body bags bad.

[reachingfangs]

[ Pauses for a moment, returns the solemnity with a sour expression. Well, it wasn't really his business what humans got up to with each other but... ]

Should probably keep track of your cigarettes if it's that bad. Think of the Soul Reaper that has to clean up after you.

[brokeassgoing]

[cocks a brow at him]

You mean that ain't you? Huuuuh.

[reachingfangs]

[ returns with the most deadpan expression ]

It ain't. So don't go running out of 'em while I'm around.

[brokeassgoing]

I'm doing the best I can. Think they'll have em at the next rest stop?

[reachingfangs]

I hope so.

[ Renji shrugs, because really the concept of rest stops had been foreign to him up until like a couple hours ago so what they did or didn't have was beyond him. ]

Hope they got more of these, too.

[ And he holds up the now empty bag of marshmallows. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[IS HE WORRIED ABOUT THE TICKING TIME BOMB?? he
shouldn't be maybe?

its a good thing its only conveniently the next exit too]

They'll have lots of goodies-- and funyuns!

[reachingfangs]

[ HE WOULD NEVER SAY SO BUT yes
still worried

thank god for that though

And Renji has to wonder why funyuns don't count in the same category as goodies but anyway, ]

What're those? Are they as good as these?

[ Marshmallow bag... again... he just likes them because they're sugar in pillow form okay. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[well GOOD
maybe????

he grins]

Dude, you dunno what you're missing out on. You like onion rings? They're like air crisped onion ring things. Sooo good.

[annnd he's just gonna head into that exit, turn signal on and everything WOW proper driving]

[reachingfangs]

[ All of those words that Badou just used mean nothing to him. Onion rings?? Air crisped?? But his enthusiasm for these funyuns things is enough to peak Renji's curiosity. ]

If you say so... I'll try some.

[ He has.............. enough money..... probably.

and unbelievable what a champ. Even Renji can admire that Real Person Driving. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[yes he should be impressed they don't even go over the railing on this curve

anyway the rest stop up ahead is one of those new ones they've tried to make all fancy looking. tons of trees to walk your dog (or your soul reaper), snack machines, a nice cool (or warm) place to take a dump inside or just rest.]

Yeah, I'll share.

[reachingfangs]

Wow, must be real good if it's got you feeling so generous.

[ Once they pull into the rest stop Renji swings out of the car and stretches his arms over his head, sighing heavily as he pulls the knots out of his stiff muscles. ]

Finally. How much longer we got going in this thing anyway?

[brokeassgoing]

[all he gets is a cheeky grin as Badou, too, slides out, arms over his head and groans spilling from his stupid mug]

Couple more. Or until I can't go on anymore. Bout another hour and a half.

[reachingfangs]

[ Well an hour and a half doesn't sound so bad. Still terrible, but survivable (hopefully). Renji rolls his shoulders, half shrug and half more limbering up. ]

Lucky. That's about how much longer I can stand this too.

[ All the kinks worked out, Renji turns to Badou, leans against the body of the car. ]

So where do we get the funyuns?

[brokeassgoing]

[finally dropping his hands to his sides, that cheeky grin doesn't diminish.]

Nooowww...we raid the vending machines. C'mon, they're probably across the lot.

[without a backwards glance he starts towards the bigger building of the restful rest stop.]

[reachingfangs]

Hm. Sure.

[ He's come to accept that hanging around down here comes hand in hand with hearing a bunch of confusing nonsense terminology like "vending machine" and just assuming he'll figure it out eventually. So he follows Badou as he heads over to the larger building, walking just behind him with an eye on his hands as he sifts through the bills in his wallet. ]

So how many can I get for... fifty dollars?

[ ...okay apparently the kan conversion rate is insane. ]