its like a Jewel song but no one remembers who that is

[brokeassgoing]

Who: The Shrieking Shits brokeassgoing and Bark at the Poon reachingfangs
Where: the stinkiest car known to man is that a stain of mayonnaise or something worse on the seat
When: now


]Whose bright idea was this trip? You know how they say it isn't the destination, its the journey? And then when they (whoever the fuck those bozos are) switch it up and say its the destination that counts? They obviously didn't think of the modern road trips between families, friends, and whatever the fuck Badou and Renji are.]

Change it. If I gotta listen to one more crooning song about drinking and beating off with guitar strings cause their wife left 'em I'm gonna shart, right here. Right now.

[its only been a few hours and its off to a wonderful start.]

Comments

[reachingfangs]

[ True, but if he was unconscious right now there would be nobody to keep Renji from killing them both. And dead Badou is like, the most intolerable version. ]

Oh.

[ And with some pedal pushing and stick handling they were back on the open road, wind in their hair, horrid odour of rotten cheese wafting about again. So far so normal. ]

...Thanks. Again.

[ This gratitude is not going to continue past the end of this sentence so drink it up and gloat while it lasts. ]

[brokeassgoing]

Somebody's gotta keep us alive and not gettin' our asses kicked by your people.

[he only gloats like 30% okay, he's Mature.
so so normal right now, wow.

It won't be long though before Badou opens his mouth again.]

Hey, didja bring anything?

[reachingfangs]

[ That's fine the peaceful atmosphere was kind of creeping him out and making him feel super lame.
Renji shrugs, eyes still on the road and darting around looking for trouble. ]

Like what? Got food and a change of clothes. We need anything else?

[ Now he's kind of worried he might have forgotten something. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[god, Badou's going to have to teach him about Good road trips isn't he.

he sighs, a haughty look on his face]

Car games, duh! Jeez, you really don't get out much.

[reachingfangs]

[ This is like maybe the first time he's ever been in a car before for so. Yeah kind of.

Anyway it does grate him on him that he literally comes from another dimension and Badou's getting all high and mighty about him not getting out much. Rude tbh. ]

The hell kinda games can you play in a car?

Also, you want to play a game right now? Weren't you just shrieking about how we're all gonna die three minutes ago? You get bored of that already?

[brokeassgoing]

[hey don't cry Badou's getting you OUT Renji! he's helping
see this is helping

that said, he lights up a cigarette that might or might not be his last one]

Might as well do somethin' distracting before we die. I spy with my little eye......somethin' red.

[reachingfangs]

[ This is not remotely helping. ]

...So I'm supposed to guess what you're seein'? [ He glances around. ]

Dried blood on the cup holder?

[ Seriously what the fuck is wrong with this car. ]

i want you to know im this close to rereading bleach and i hate you

[brokeassgoing]

Nnnnope. Try again, tattbrows.

[he's too casual in his smugness...yes, thats a description and its perfect for jut the stupid thing Badou's doing with his face right now]

friend................. please.................. love yourself. don't do it.

[reachingfangs]

[ Renji's eye might twitch from the nickname. Not gonna react more though and give him the satisfaction, oh no. He doesn't have to look at Badou to know that the conceited little shit is just leaking cockiness from every pore. It's so much worse than the cigarette smoke right now. ]

That sign?

[ The big ole stop one he's just gonna drive right past. ]

I DONT I DONT LOVE MYSELF sobs please stop me

[brokeassgoing]

[will it be worse than the sound of him gorging himself on their gathered snacks? will it? because he's going to stuff his face

he sees it, coughs, and groans]

At this rate you're gonna get us arrested for somethin' dumb....in the future, stop at those if you see a cop car. You know what they look like, right? And no, not that.

pls think of your friends and family. they care about you and don't want you to go to bleach hell.

[reachingfangs]

[ THEY'RE ALL WORSE OH MY GOD JUST!!! STOP and if Badou so much as casts one hungry look at his sweet bread Renji is going to throw him through a windshield stg. ]

Yeah, okay. I'll look out for 'em. [ He knows cop cars, they're his favourite! Because TV and also he's five. ]

[ Anyway this game is annoying and he didn't want to guess the obvious, but... ]

My hair?

i compromised and watched the ops of the anime...

[brokeassgoing]

[although he trusts Renji to look out for cops, he doesn't trust him to win the game.

Well, he'll give him one more chance and maybe he won't make him feel stupid as shit.

Reaching behind his seat, he procured a RED bag of doritos.]

I wonder...

careful it can snowball realll quick. first ops, then clips, then episodes, then your life is ruined

[reachingfangs]

[ Renji tracks Badou leaning over out of the corner of his eye, then huffs when the bag is dramatically revealed.

There were few things more tiresome than being terrible at a dumb made up human game, but one of those things was feeling like somebody was cheating at said game. ]

The fuck, you definitely didn't see that from over there.

im gonna be flushed down the toilet

[brokeassgoing]

[Badou raises his brows, the picture of innocence, cheese stained hand on his chest]

You trynna judge a person with a disability? You're goin' to hell, man, how dare you.

you're gonna clog the toilet is what's gonna happen

[reachingfangs]

[ Like he's buying this for a second honestly. ]

I ain't judgin'. It was behind you, how's having two eyes gonna help you see out the back of your dumbass head?

i hope so

[brokeassgoing]

You gotta be able to see outta everything when you're in my line of business, man. Not all of us got spirit senses in our assholes cause we're dead.

[reachingfangs]

[ If his eyes could roll any harder they'd probably be able to replace the tires on this junker. ]

Well why don't you use 'em finely honed, non-dead senses to get me a snack then.

[ He's worked up an appetite with all this complaining and near-vehicular homicide. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[is he ready for the pure sass he's gonna get


and the chip to his face because that's what it is. if he doesn't dodge (along with swerving the entire car) it's gonna land with that familiar tangy orange powder right on his nose]

There ya go buddy.

[reachingfangs]

[ He's spent enough time with Badou to know that Pure Uncut Sass is the only thing he's ever gonna get out of him (makes you wonder why he even asked in the first place) so he's ready for the chip and bats it away before anything lands anywhere. Those spirit senses coming out his ass might have helped too. His victory does feel pretty short-lived as the car wobbles a little as soon as his hand leaves the wheel and he has to scramble to right it again. ]

Watch it!

[ He huffs and shakes his hand a bit to get the dust off it. ]

If you're gonna throw shit at me, can't it be one of them marshmallows?

[brokeassgoing]

[he's thankful this season for Renji's quicker reflexes and maybe learning flexes. well Badou would be if he wasn't such a shit but as it stands.

Lips pursed, he at least grants him this.

A marshmallow in the hair.]

There you are. You actually like this shit?

[reachingfangs]

[ He's just so resigned to this and like, actually pretty hungry (something about being in cars, even questionable ones like this, seems to stimulate feelings of snackiness) that his annoyance with all this food throwing is basically at base levels. He just plucks it out. Pops it in his mouth. ]

Tastes fine to me.

[ And by "fine" he means "sweet" and ain't nothing keeping your boy from thinking that sugar is the good shit. Could do without the little bits of orange powder residue but man beggars can't be choosers. ]

[brokeassgoing]

Fine as in you don't got stuff like this in the afterlife?

[well its a good thing he brought basically whatever was handy at the store/some junk he wasn't the most fond of. Badou occupies himself with chips, one foot braced on the dashboard.

Now he's curios, which is bad]

[reachingfangs]

[ Renji gives a shrug at that. Whatever, the status of the existence of marshmallows isn't classified or anything so it probably wouldn't hurt to answer is what he foolishly thinks. And he's willing to say that the novelty of them is definitely part of why he likes em. ]

Yeah, maybe. Don't really get that stuff either.

[ He points with his closest elbow at the chips. ]

Toss me another one.

[brokeassgoing]

What a fuckin' ripoff! I'm goin' somewhere nice when I die...with a lotta sun and a beach.

[he chomps down with a purpose on a handful of chips before he gets his greasy hands on another marshmallow, this time handing it over.

he's so kind]

[reachingfangs]

[ To tell him that the afterlife is just a shitty feudal period drama set stretching on to infinity or not. ]

Dunno 'bout beaches, but I know a place with a lotta sand.

[ Stares at his precious marshmallow puff, now sullied, from the corner of his eye. Carefully, he takes it from Badou...

and whips it at his face. The car veers wildly for a moment as he does so who knows if he hits him or where but there are more serious matters at hand. ]

What the fuck! I know you can't help being a gross prick, but save it for when you ain't messin' with a man's food!